So... I will try this post again since I had to walk away in frustration yesterday.
Things are going great! I feel wonderful, this weird ass diet is working! No more headaches, yeah life is good. I am back to editing pics. Even got around to doing a fantasy piece again.
Edited some pics from the trip down south that made me realize that something was wrong with my belongings and not me!
So yeah this is not as good of a post as I had written up last night. Heck if anything it is minimalistic. But it's a start.
So I am off for a walk!
Namaste
It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to.” ~Bilbo Baggins
There are times that I really hate Voxes posting. Well.. I had a huge post but clicked on a pic that I was putting on the post by accident and of course it took me to the pic and lost my whole post... so blah.
I originally posted this story on Sparkpeople, but I have friends here that I wanted to share this with, you have all been on the rollercoaster ride with my health over the past few years, the ups and the downs. I have just not felt like blogging for awhile now. With the ups and downs with my health I just have not felt like doing much of anything for months now.
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Over the past 5 years I have laid the blame of my weight anywhere I could. From my husbands diabetes (uncontrolled so he tends to go low alot, meaning he eats often, which means I would munch with him alot of times) , to Lyme disease, to depression.
I started at 126 lbs in December of '04.
It seems a life time ago.
Within a few months I had gone from a size 8-10 to a size 16, I never
imagined walking down the isle in July of '05 in an extremely tight
size 16 dress. (it was not tight in May when I bought it!) I can hardly
look at my wedding pics because I can't see past the bulges,
remembering how I had to squeeze into one of those body molding
underwears that pulls all your fat in and hides it.
By Christmas of '05 I was pushing a size 20.
I started having all sorts of weird pains, heart wise and musculature around October of '05. My energy level was low, I was still walking daily. I just wasn't' building up any endurance... or losing weight.
In June '07 I was struck by a case of bells palsy with a side of shingles that had attacked the same side of my face as the palsy. My health was deteriorating faster than I could explain to the doctor.
We initially were trying to diagnose me as having lymes disease. Everything going wrong with me pointed in that direction. But the tests kept coming back negative. My heart was starting to really give me the worst trouble after the bells palsy. I was bed ridden most days. The pains through my body had me bed ridden the other days. Finally my doc just didn't know what to do anymore and suggested I try a holistic approach with another doctor.
She was giving up on me.
I almost gave up... on everything.
I finally made an appt back with her and she put me on anti depressants after I had a break down in her office. Needless to say they did nothing for me and the husband and I started making plans to move out of overcast rainy New England to sunny Arizona thinking that my problem was S.A.D. aka seasonal affective disorder. Massachusetts had been in a 4 year bout of constant daily overcast, cold rainy days.
After the move I felt great for a few weeks. I had a lot of days down recuperating. My energy had bottomed out over the years to the point where just getting out of bed winded me. I started eating healthy again, cut alot of junk food out of my diet and started to get sick. Real sick, I started having anxiety attacks often and felt as if I was worse then before the move. I would end up back in bed eating comfort foods trying to build my strength back up. I gained back every pound that I had lost.
Finally something clicked, a few weeks ago the husband and I left the house for a few days. I felt great! A bit wore out, but all in all really good. The day after we got back home I was sick again, and that is when it clicked. I realized something in the house was making me sick. Going back over the years the one constant that followed us through our moves was our furniture.
In the late winter/early spring of '05 our basement flooded from snow run off. We didn't know it right away since we never used it and it was just storage. I started smelling something odd, mildewy and moldy. We went down and found that the basement had molded from the flood. Huge blooms of black mold covered the whole downstairs, walls, boxes, old clothing. Everything was covered in black mold. We promptly cleaned it all out, tore down the dry wall and cleaned up best we could.
Around fall of '05 we noticed black mold starting to show up through the house. I bought some spray that supposedly would kill it. Not once in all this time though did I ever bother to read up on it.
When we moved in June '07 a week after I was diagnosed with the bells palsy, we moved all our belongings to our new house. All our furniture, which would have had black mold spores on them. We found out that winter that our new house's basement flooded, every time there was a melt off, or heavy rains. So yet more black mold sprouted.
All of this dawned on me a few weeks ago as I sat here wondering what in Gods name is wrong with me. So I finally, after 5 years have got around to researching if black mold can harm you.
It does!
Every thing that I have complained to my doctor about over the past 5 years is a symptom of toxic black mold syndrome.
Every time that I felt better was my body killing the spores in my body. The resulting couple days of down time afterwards was the poisons that the dying bacteria were releasing into my body to repopulate themselves. It is actually a very wild reaction that happens when mass amounts of bacteria die off in the body called The Herxheimer Reaction they release up to 79 different toxic products when they die! They get in the bloodstream and travel to all parts of the body where they can cause all sorts of havok.
It's going to be a long road to recovery from what I have read. But with just a few days down now and knowing this time, that this feeling sick now is a good thing and sticking with the healthy eating.. well I think I can do it this time.
My outlook is positive finally! FINALLY!
I have a goal and I can actually see it. It is not the goal of a number
on a scale, it is the goal of getting the old energetic me back. The me
that wasn't sick every single day.
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*This all began 2 weeks ago, I cut gluten out of my diet and the change in my life was immediate. I began with my black mold treatment today. So I am praying that good things happen with that!*
*The real meaning behind this post is, research what is wrong with you.
Don't ever let yourself believe that your doctor has a crystal ball and
can diagnose you. Some things in your life they cannot know about. What
doctor would have just randomly asked "Hey do you have black mold in
your house?" In real life that just doesn't happen. We have to take
care of ourselfs and research and then go to our doctor with what we
have found. But most of all, be alert to what is going on around you
and with your health, your doctor can only diagnose by what you tell
them.*
I actually had a book seller trying to tell me the other week that Twilight was a modern interpretation of Wuthering Heights. This was in the context of a conversation about why I didn't think these books were really ideal reading for my 11 year old niece (although I wouldn't try and discourage her from reading them - just wanted some ideas for other books that might appeal but have a bit more literary merit, eg, something like Margaret Mahy's The Changover which I have blogged about previously and which Madame Smartypants Bookseller had never even heard of). Anyway, I am sure we will see plenty more Masters theses (is this the plural of thesis?) on this phenomenum before the Next Big Thing comes along.
I'm urgently appealing for donations for the people in Kho Khaen, Northern Thailand. Details as below...
If you are donating clothes or stationery, give me a call at 96798127 so that I can come and collect from you. Thanks!
Leadership Program 30
Vision: Loving People, Empowering Lives
SENIORS: Alice, Andy, Cynthia, Daryl, Karen, Steven
LP30 SENIORS:
Anthon, Bernard, Chee Hui, Cheryl, Corrina, Elsie, Hui Yun, Irene, Jomer, Kelly, Kun,
Ling, Lu, Nancy (deceased), Mike, Patsy, Shirley, Phuay Guan, Soo Tong, Simon,
Tiong Eng, Veron, Wai Yip, Wan, Yean Seen, Yen Ming, Yolanda
CONTACT: patsylpk@hotmail.com
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Family & Friends,
We are a group of friends who have undergone a Leadership training program a few years ago. Our group Vision is “Loving People, Empowering lives”. One of our group commitments is to continue with community service and be able to make a difference to those who are in need.
One of our members, Wantana (we called her Wan), a Thai Catholic nun and Yen Ming, another member, a Singaporean who is currently stationed in Thailand, had gone to explore the projects at Khon Khaen, some 470km from Bangkok. Their love and passion for the needy there really inspire all of us to come together as group again to do a charity fund raising and visit there. Please see details of our visit.
Our departure date: 18 Dec 09
Location of project: Kho Khaen, northern Thailand
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=286206415386&ref=mf
Projects to help:
1) Lepers’ Village (650+ pax)
2) Girls’ Home (16 pax)
3) School for children of special needs (71 pax)
Donations sought: In cash - $12 to $15,000
In kind – clothing and sweaters for adult and children, stationery, etc
Note: cash donation is preferred but donation in kind is just as welcome; even though, we may have to bear freight cost for shipment and it is cheaper and/or necessary to purchase some of the items over there.
Yen Ming had visited the three places on 12/13 Sep 09 and shared some details:
1) School for Children with Special Needs (next to Khon Kaen University)
Contact: P.O. Box 109 Mueang District, Khon Kaen 4000
No. of residents: 71 children
Type of residents: Mentally retarded, physically disabled, autistic
Details: Managed by 2 Sisters (1 Philipina & 1 Thai) and 12 teachers
Location: Next to KK University
Donations sought:
They are in dire need of funds for operation – lack of support, privately and publicly
2) Girls Home, Amphur Baan Kaw (17km from town)
Contact:
Foundation for Thai Children in rural areas
86/22 Portisarn Rd, Soi 16, Village No. 13
Mueang Sub-district Mueang District, Khon Kaen 4000
No. of residents: 16 girls
Type of residents: Girls are between the ages of 3 to 18; they are in Primary,
Secondary and Vocational School. They have suffered from
violence, lost of parents, divorced parents, poor parents, etc.
Details: Two adults take turns to cook for the girls; funded by
Government and public donations.
Location: 17 km from KK town and 3 km from the main road in the
Nern Thong Village, Baan Kaw District.
Donations sought:
a) Computer
b) Uniform (only 1 set is supplied by the government)
c) School bags
d) Stationeries (pens, exercise books, etc)
e) School shoes and socks
f) Sport shorts and T-shirts
g) Warm clothings for winter
3) Lepers village, Amphur Nawn Somboon, 20km before town
Contact:
Mahathai Seuka Norn Somboon School
83/1 Mitraparb Road, Baan Haed District, Khon Kaen 40110
No. of residents: 600+ lepers in the village
Type of residents: These Lepers are mostly elderly with a few younger ones;
they live in this village with their families
Details: Government gives 70 bahts/day/leper (less than S$3)
Location: 20 km from KK town in Nong Somboon District (next to a
Hospital for lepers and AIDS patients)
Donations sought:
a) Clothes (both adults and children)
b) Detergents, soap, antiseptics
c) Towels
d) Rice, etc
Your kind contribution would really make a huge difference to them. We look forward to hear from you.
Yours sincerely with love,
LP 30
Yes, I know I have been AWOL for quite a while - and I can't really guarantee that I will be back to posting regularly anytime soon. In the meantime, here are a couple of photos of some close encounters of the bushwalking kind (from last weekend when my son and I went for an early morning walk before the rest of the bushwalking hordes started scaring everything into hiding).
As well as these creatures, we also saw a swamp wallaby but it was too far away to photograph. I had to get the lizards identified later - they are lace monitors (also known as tree goannas). The education officer from the park also said we were very lucky to see the echidna as they are notoriously shy. I have only ever seen echidnas in the wild three times in my life and twice have been while walking with my son.
For the first time in the many times the kids have gone back and forth between the Ex and I... This time feels permanent. She is almost 18 this time, she has a partner that she is moving in with. She is making plans for her future. It has left me with a bit of an empty spot.
I joked for years about how I would never NEVER suffer from empty nest syndrome. Actually looked forward to finally having time to do all those things that I wanted to do! But with the daughter moved out and the addition of my youngest hardly ever home due to football and his new found friends. The house is just... too quiet. All the places I wanted to take the kids to see, the places to do stuff, movies, games... they are no longer young enough to appreciate it anymore. It's all a headache to them to do silly stuff like going sight seeing, going for long rides, having their pics taken in front of silly stuff. They have their own agenda's now.
Sooo... my secret is trying not to dwell on it. I have gotten alot of editing done and my house is really really clean lol. I am starting to have time to stop and smell the flowers. I got my backyard looking awesome yesterday, hammock is set-up. Workout bench and some seating for if the son has friends over to lift weights. Pic-nic table, yard is weeded.. yeah it was gorgeous outside yesterday and I didn't have to stop mid job to drive anyone anywhere woot!!!
I noticed a bit of change in my editing last night, I think it may be from the changes in my life, I got an invite from a "whimsical group".. a year ago I was getting invites from groups catering to goth and graveyards. So yeah things are starting to look up! :D
So, where to start.
It's only 10:00 a.m. and I have...
half of my laundry done already
vacuuming done
dishes done
living room done
beds stripped
Still need to do...
yard work (that will have to wait now.. too hot!)
counters wiped down
floors mopped
bathrooms cleaned
So basically I am half done with chores yay!
The best and worst of the deal... I now have an extra room of my own to do with as I please. The daughter moved back to Illinois, Arizona was too hard on her. 18, out of school, no friends... She moved back to her hometown. I can't blame her, it's hard to start all over in a new place when you know no one. At her age you need friends, it takes years to learn that you can amuse yourself right? Ok.. we always need friends who am I kidding!
So at first, I thought hey, I can get some stuff out of storage and go through it in there.. then I got it cleaned up and saw this little sign I had made for my last work out room and decided hell with storage space, I need my work out room back! So that will be my last chore of the day. Moving all my work out gear in there! One thing that is totally cool out here in AZ is that the weight bench can be left outside! Glad I don't have to bring that in. The nights and dawn are perfect for working out too, nice and cool.
Fall is almost here, I am looking forward to a nice warm (not hot) season. I have intermittent bouts of missing New England, but we have plans to drive up to the Flagstaff/Sedona area soon. That should be enough to remind me of how green the world is :)
I am also slowly getting back into editing mode. I have been scrounging around in my older albums and looking at alot of photos in a whole new light! It is such a good idea to never delete old photos, beauty that may not be here today, might show up tomorrow!
Hope everyones summer was great and not too wet!
What are your fitness goals? What is helping or preventing you from accomplishing them?
Presented by Intel, Sponsors of Tomorrow.
My fitness goal is to get my out of shape body back on that elliptical and get back to walking 9+ miles a day so I can finally do my first marathon!
What is preventing it? Apathy? Still unpacking? No room to move ATM hehe
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