So... I will try this post again since I had to walk away in frustration yesterday.
Things are going great! I feel wonderful, this weird ass diet is working! No more headaches, yeah life is good. I am back to editing pics. Even got around to doing a fantasy piece again.
Edited some pics from the trip down south that made me realize that something was wrong with my belongings and not me!
So yeah this is not as good of a post as I had written up last night. Heck if anything it is minimalistic. But it's a start.
So I am off for a walk!
Namaste
It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to.” ~Bilbo Baggins
There are times that I really hate Voxes posting. Well.. I had a huge post but clicked on a pic that I was putting on the post by accident and of course it took me to the pic and lost my whole post... so blah.
I originally posted this story on Sparkpeople, but I have friends here that I wanted to share this with, you have all been on the rollercoaster ride with my health over the past few years, the ups and the downs. I have just not felt like blogging for awhile now. With the ups and downs with my health I just have not felt like doing much of anything for months now.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Over the past 5 years I have laid the blame of my weight anywhere I could. From my husbands diabetes (uncontrolled so he tends to go low alot, meaning he eats often, which means I would munch with him alot of times) , to Lyme disease, to depression.
I started at 126 lbs in December of '04.
It seems a life time ago.
Within a few months I had gone from a size 8-10 to a size 16, I never
imagined walking down the isle in July of '05 in an extremely tight
size 16 dress. (it was not tight in May when I bought it!) I can hardly
look at my wedding pics because I can't see past the bulges,
remembering how I had to squeeze into one of those body molding
underwears that pulls all your fat in and hides it.
By Christmas of '05 I was pushing a size 20.
I started having all sorts of weird pains, heart wise and musculature around October of '05. My energy level was low, I was still walking daily. I just wasn't' building up any endurance... or losing weight.
In June '07 I was struck by a case of bells palsy with a side of shingles that had attacked the same side of my face as the palsy. My health was deteriorating faster than I could explain to the doctor.
We initially were trying to diagnose me as having lymes disease. Everything going wrong with me pointed in that direction. But the tests kept coming back negative. My heart was starting to really give me the worst trouble after the bells palsy. I was bed ridden most days. The pains through my body had me bed ridden the other days. Finally my doc just didn't know what to do anymore and suggested I try a holistic approach with another doctor.
She was giving up on me.
I almost gave up... on everything.
I finally made an appt back with her and she put me on anti depressants after I had a break down in her office. Needless to say they did nothing for me and the husband and I started making plans to move out of overcast rainy New England to sunny Arizona thinking that my problem was S.A.D. aka seasonal affective disorder. Massachusetts had been in a 4 year bout of constant daily overcast, cold rainy days.
After the move I felt great for a few weeks. I had a lot of days down recuperating. My energy had bottomed out over the years to the point where just getting out of bed winded me. I started eating healthy again, cut alot of junk food out of my diet and started to get sick. Real sick, I started having anxiety attacks often and felt as if I was worse then before the move. I would end up back in bed eating comfort foods trying to build my strength back up. I gained back every pound that I had lost.
Finally something clicked, a few weeks ago the husband and I left the house for a few days. I felt great! A bit wore out, but all in all really good. The day after we got back home I was sick again, and that is when it clicked. I realized something in the house was making me sick. Going back over the years the one constant that followed us through our moves was our furniture.
In the late winter/early spring of '05 our basement flooded from snow run off. We didn't know it right away since we never used it and it was just storage. I started smelling something odd, mildewy and moldy. We went down and found that the basement had molded from the flood. Huge blooms of black mold covered the whole downstairs, walls, boxes, old clothing. Everything was covered in black mold. We promptly cleaned it all out, tore down the dry wall and cleaned up best we could.
Around fall of '05 we noticed black mold starting to show up through the house. I bought some spray that supposedly would kill it. Not once in all this time though did I ever bother to read up on it.
When we moved in June '07 a week after I was diagnosed with the bells palsy, we moved all our belongings to our new house. All our furniture, which would have had black mold spores on them. We found out that winter that our new house's basement flooded, every time there was a melt off, or heavy rains. So yet more black mold sprouted.
All of this dawned on me a few weeks ago as I sat here wondering what in Gods name is wrong with me. So I finally, after 5 years have got around to researching if black mold can harm you.
It does!
Every thing that I have complained to my doctor about over the past 5 years is a symptom of toxic black mold syndrome.
Every time that I felt better was my body killing the spores in my body. The resulting couple days of down time afterwards was the poisons that the dying bacteria were releasing into my body to repopulate themselves. It is actually a very wild reaction that happens when mass amounts of bacteria die off in the body called The Herxheimer Reaction they release up to 79 different toxic products when they die! They get in the bloodstream and travel to all parts of the body where they can cause all sorts of havok.
It's going to be a long road to recovery from what I have read. But with just a few days down now and knowing this time, that this feeling sick now is a good thing and sticking with the healthy eating.. well I think I can do it this time.
My outlook is positive finally! FINALLY!
I have a goal and I can actually see it. It is not the goal of a number
on a scale, it is the goal of getting the old energetic me back. The me
that wasn't sick every single day.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
*This all began 2 weeks ago, I cut gluten out of my diet and the change in my life was immediate. I began with my black mold treatment today. So I am praying that good things happen with that!*
*The real meaning behind this post is, research what is wrong with you.
Don't ever let yourself believe that your doctor has a crystal ball and
can diagnose you. Some things in your life they cannot know about. What
doctor would have just randomly asked "Hey do you have black mold in
your house?" In real life that just doesn't happen. We have to take
care of ourselfs and research and then go to our doctor with what we
have found. But most of all, be alert to what is going on around you
and with your health, your doctor can only diagnose by what you tell
them.*
We are headed for Tokyo next weekend, and I can't wait! This time round, the mister has most admirably done all the planning, so I get to be a lemming and just follow his directions. Here's the lemming routemap, at a glance:
Day 1 - Hello Japan! Lemming HQ at Shinjuku.
Day 2 - Enoshima Island, Kamakura
Day 3 - Kawagoe
Day 4 - Tsukiji, Asakusa, Ueno, Akihabara
Day 5 - Ginza, Tokyo, Odaiba
Day 6 - Shinjuku, Harajuku, Shibuya
Day 7 - The lemmings return to Singapore
I hope next week flies by! :D
身边有很多朋友的生活都在改变，也不知道是环境变了，所以生活理念也跟着变了， 或者是因为顺应生活理念上的改变，所以转换了跑道。总而言之，就是。。。变了。
一个一向很 “不食人间烟火”的老同学， 昨天对我说了， “钱不一定能买到幸福。不过，有钱可以带来更多选择， 有更多的选择，就可能找到快乐。No choice, 很辛苦。” 我虽然明白她想说的 （因为别的朋友也说过类似的话）， 但是从她的口里听到这番话，还是满震撼的。 我开始怀念从前那个纯朴的她。
是我长不大吗？不切实际？开始觉得自己有点象个苦行僧， 在人人在找捷径让日子好过一点的世界里， 我还在坚持 "苦中作乐“ 。 为了什么，我也不是很清楚， 只隐隐约约知道，害怕在花花世界迷失了自己。
*思*
I actually had a book seller trying to tell me the other week that Twilight was a modern interpretation of Wuthering Heights. This was in the context of a conversation about why I didn't think these books were really ideal reading for my 11 year old niece (although I wouldn't try and discourage her from reading them - just wanted some ideas for other books that might appeal but have a bit more literary merit, eg, something like Margaret Mahy's The Changover which I have blogged about previously and which Madame Smartypants Bookseller had never even heard of). Anyway, I am sure we will see plenty more Masters theses (is this the plural of thesis?) on this phenomenum before the Next Big Thing comes along.
I'm urgently appealing for donations for the people in Kho Khaen, Northern Thailand. Details as below...
If you are donating clothes or stationery, give me a call at 96798127 so that I can come and collect from you. Thanks!
Leadership Program 30
Vision: Loving People, Empowering Lives
SENIORS: Alice, Andy, Cynthia, Daryl, Karen, Steven
LP30 SENIORS:
Anthon, Bernard, Chee Hui, Cheryl, Corrina, Elsie, Hui Yun, Irene, Jomer, Kelly, Kun,
Ling, Lu, Nancy (deceased), Mike, Patsy, Shirley, Phuay Guan, Soo Tong, Simon,
Tiong Eng, Veron, Wai Yip, Wan, Yean Seen, Yen Ming, Yolanda
CONTACT: patsylpk@hotmail.com
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Family & Friends,
We are a group of friends who have undergone a Leadership training program a few years ago. Our group Vision is “Loving People, Empowering lives”. One of our group commitments is to continue with community service and be able to make a difference to those who are in need.
One of our members, Wantana (we called her Wan), a Thai Catholic nun and Yen Ming, another member, a Singaporean who is currently stationed in Thailand, had gone to explore the projects at Khon Khaen, some 470km from Bangkok. Their love and passion for the needy there really inspire all of us to come together as group again to do a charity fund raising and visit there. Please see details of our visit.
Our departure date: 18 Dec 09
Location of project: Kho Khaen, northern Thailand
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=286206415386&ref=mf
Projects to help:
1) Lepers’ Village (650+ pax)
2) Girls’ Home (16 pax)
3) School for children of special needs (71 pax)
Donations sought: In cash - $12 to $15,000
In kind – clothing and sweaters for adult and children, stationery, etc
Note: cash donation is preferred but donation in kind is just as welcome; even though, we may have to bear freight cost for shipment and it is cheaper and/or necessary to purchase some of the items over there.
Yen Ming had visited the three places on 12/13 Sep 09 and shared some details:
1) School for Children with Special Needs (next to Khon Kaen University)
Contact: P.O. Box 109 Mueang District, Khon Kaen 4000
No. of residents: 71 children
Type of residents: Mentally retarded, physically disabled, autistic
Details: Managed by 2 Sisters (1 Philipina & 1 Thai) and 12 teachers
Location: Next to KK University
Donations sought:
They are in dire need of funds for operation – lack of support, privately and publicly
2) Girls Home, Amphur Baan Kaw (17km from town)
Contact:
Foundation for Thai Children in rural areas
86/22 Portisarn Rd, Soi 16, Village No. 13
Mueang Sub-district Mueang District, Khon Kaen 4000
No. of residents: 16 girls
Type of residents: Girls are between the ages of 3 to 18; they are in Primary,
Secondary and Vocational School. They have suffered from
violence, lost of parents, divorced parents, poor parents, etc.
Details: Two adults take turns to cook for the girls; funded by
Government and public donations.
Location: 17 km from KK town and 3 km from the main road in the
Nern Thong Village, Baan Kaw District.
Donations sought:
a) Computer
b) Uniform (only 1 set is supplied by the government)
c) School bags
d) Stationeries (pens, exercise books, etc)
e) School shoes and socks
f) Sport shorts and T-shirts
g) Warm clothings for winter
3) Lepers village, Amphur Nawn Somboon, 20km before town
Contact:
Mahathai Seuka Norn Somboon School
83/1 Mitraparb Road, Baan Haed District, Khon Kaen 40110
No. of residents: 600+ lepers in the village
Type of residents: These Lepers are mostly elderly with a few younger ones;
they live in this village with their families
Details: Government gives 70 bahts/day/leper (less than S$3)
Location: 20 km from KK town in Nong Somboon District (next to a
Hospital for lepers and AIDS patients)
Donations sought:
a) Clothes (both adults and children)
b) Detergents, soap, antiseptics
c) Towels
d) Rice, etc
Your kind contribution would really make a huge difference to them. We look forward to hear from you.
Yours sincerely with love,
LP 30
Yes, I know I have been AWOL for quite a while - and I can't really guarantee that I will be back to posting regularly anytime soon. In the meantime, here are a couple of photos of some close encounters of the bushwalking kind (from last weekend when my son and I went for an early morning walk before the rest of the bushwalking hordes started scaring everything into hiding).
As well as these creatures, we also saw a swamp wallaby but it was too far away to photograph. I had to get the lizards identified later - they are lace monitors (also known as tree goannas). The education officer from the park also said we were very lucky to see the echidna as they are notoriously shy. I have only ever seen echidnas in the wild three times in my life and twice have been while walking with my son.
Out of the blue, our nephew Brandon asked me today, "婶婶 (Aunt), what is your Chinese name?"
The question took me by surprise. This means that the four-year old is now aware that the adults, like his classmates at the childcare centre, too come individually packed with their own names - with Chinese, English and dialect variations to boot.
I hesitated with my answer. For all our pally good times, the nephews have never known my name. For a moment there, I had a vision of an Internet chatroom pal suddenly demanding to know my real identity. Was I going to tell?
Nope, I chickened out. "My Chinese name is 婶婶,", I told the boy.
;)
"独", 很深
让三点半的午后, 比午夜更寂静
未成型的思绪
或随呼吸蒸发去, 或象冰块化不去
不是缥缈, 就是哽咽
"惜独"
难道也是一种病
让人渐渐步向"声"亡?
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